Tuesday, 30 July 2013

On breaking up with a friend.

I didn't technically break up with this friend, they dumped me. It hurt, it hurt more than any break up with a boy/girlfriend ever has. I think it's because it takes you by surprise, it's not something you're ever taught to expect. In some ways we might have just been growing apart and I'd refused to see it, perhaps there were all sorts of reasons that I will never know because he never told me. One day he just disappeared from my life. I saw him in a club with his girlfriend and he blanked me, I sent him a message asking if he could at least talk to me. He told me we should meet up and have a chat, I told him I was moving to London and that I didn't even know what to say to him I was so confused by his actions. He never replied to that one.

The pain I felt from losing him has never really gone away, it has diminished but I still find myself thinking about him. I wish he would have been less of a coward and told me why. It's not that I would have wanted a chance to rectify something I did wrong, I know I did him many wrongs as he did me, it's all part of a friendship. At one point I know he wanted much more from me than a friendship and my fear kept me from pursuing that. I know this hurt him but I did not then nor will I ever owe him or anyone else a relationship just because they want one. So when he did meet someone I kept it from him how much it broke my heart.

I should have known though, he'd done it to another friend. He replaced them with me and as I found out years later I too was replaceable.

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